i got home, and got off. no actually i haven't got off. but i don't really feel like, but i know i will later. i just need to write this down before i forget.
i wonder why i feel the need to fuck up every relationship i have, i don't see why i would purposefully sabotage them but I do.
every comma and every correction i make to this is painful, maybe this is me. just me. writing. without pretensions.
i was at the coffeeshop after today. and the lady that sold overpriced tissues came up to me. i have this belief that when someones drunk and stupid they act on whatever principle they live on. Normally i just say 'no thanks' and i wait for her to go away. But this time, maybe i'm just a big fucking softie at heart. fuck.
i got home and i realized that my dad was awake. i peered at him cautiously. i jus had that one thing in my mind. 'i don't want him to see me like this' which is fucked up cause i wasn't really anything. I wasn't that bad out of my mind, i still could open the lock quietly and shit like that. i wasn't that drunk and i could just act sober if i wanted. i mean hell, i'm still awake to blog this ain' i?. I just had that clear thought. i just didn't want him to see me and go, 'fuck thats someone i brought up, drunk and stupid.' i thought about my sister, saying 'can you grow up?' and how i was getting high every other day. how far away I am from being what i want to be.
sounds tragic boohoo. strangely i don't feel that sorry for myself. i just want someone to save me from this shit. i'm sorry to disappoint anyone that thought i was stronger than that. but those few of you who know do know this blog, well you should have known better.
while i was there hiding at the door which i hoped he wouldn't come to open,i thought about how fucked up and ridiculous it was. hiding. it was funny. i thought of a few things. about cock-blocking and and obsession. it felt like i was hiding there for a really long time.
i wonder why i feel the need to fuck up every relationship i have, i don't see why i would purposefully sabotage them but I do.
every comma and every correction i make to this is painful, maybe this is me. just me. writing. without pretensions.
i was at the coffeeshop after today. and the lady that sold overpriced tissues came up to me. i have this belief that when someones drunk and stupid they act on whatever principle they live on. Normally i just say 'no thanks' and i wait for her to go away. But this time, maybe i'm just a big fucking softie at heart. fuck.
i got home and i realized that my dad was awake. i peered at him cautiously. i jus had that one thing in my mind. 'i don't want him to see me like this' which is fucked up cause i wasn't really anything. I wasn't that bad out of my mind, i still could open the lock quietly and shit like that. i wasn't that drunk and i could just act sober if i wanted. i mean hell, i'm still awake to blog this ain' i?. I just had that clear thought. i just didn't want him to see me and go, 'fuck thats someone i brought up, drunk and stupid.' i thought about my sister, saying 'can you grow up?' and how i was getting high every other day. how far away I am from being what i want to be.
sounds tragic boohoo. strangely i don't feel that sorry for myself. i just want someone to save me from this shit. i'm sorry to disappoint anyone that thought i was stronger than that. but those few of you who know do know this blog, well you should have known better.
while i was there hiding at the door which i hoped he wouldn't come to open,i thought about how fucked up and ridiculous it was. hiding. it was funny. i thought of a few things. about cock-blocking and and obsession. it felt like i was hiding there for a really long time.
comically indifferent @ 5:13 AM