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Tuesday, October 24, 2006

I revisited your doodles again today. Not that I do it as often as the word 'again' insinuates. I don't know why I did. Why does a fat kid keep on eating cheeseburgers? I just felt like it, thats all. I went back and read earlier entries, trying to find out more about you. What you were like, things you felt, and almost wished that you were still around. And then I stumbled on things that I knew were there, but was still surprised. I tried to remember what it was like, I knew things would get to this. I do have a terrible memory.

There are three stages to forgetting someone you used to love.

First, you forget what they sounded like. Things they said. The variations of tone and those cute little tantrums they'd throw just so you'd pay a little more attention to them. Life-altering conversations that you swore to god himself and more importantly to yourself that you'd never forget. But things just go to a dull ringing in your ear, like you've just gone deaf. The more you try, the less you remember, and then it's all missing.

And then you can't shape there're faces in your head. Oh, those marble, chiseled, smooth features that made you love them in the first place. Pocelain skinned, warm to the touch, you try to piece together the pulses that you traced out with your fingertips.

Finally the things that you hold on to the longest are ironically the memories of feelings you had for them. You just know that there was this boy or a girl, once upon a time, that you loved. And that it didn't work out in the end. You went your way, and she went hers. Like a fork in the road where you parted hands that you held so tightly before. You hope for a while with childish ideals that maybe you'll get back together. Heh.. loving me loving you, and then a blank.


comically indifferent @ 12:56 AM